My MOPS Journey VOL 1

I am about to graduate MOPS this coming week with the final bow before the curtain closes at my last meeting on Tuesday. My heart kind of aches and tears roll down my face as I think about moving on. Truth be told, part of my ache is the fear that I will be forgotten or left behind. It sounds crazy I know, but I also know that life gets busy and it becomes harder to journey with people who are not always in sight. I feel like people on the outside of this wonderful institution don't understand what a big deal this is, at least for me. All they see is a mom's group used as an excuse to make it out of the house. Well, it is that, but it is so much more than that. MOPS is life and breath and food for the body and the soul. It is hope, and it is Jesus in every sense of the word. This group has become part of the very fiber of who I am and what I stand for.  I cannot imagine what my life would be like without it. I have my cousin Nicole Fast to thank for this crazy ride. 

Five and a half years ago, I was fresh off of the chemo and radiation boat with a new preemie to take care of. I had heard about MOPS, but had no idea you could join when you had little babies. So she invited me, and I anxiously said yes. I was so nervous because I desperately needed friends, but at the same time I was so intimidated by this huge room full of ladies who all knew each other. I sat down with Nicole and met an incredible lady, Jeanie, who would become my DGL the next month. I was instantly hooked, not because of anything extraordinarily awesome but because it made my cup runneth over. After a handful of meetings, I truly started to experience the blessings of being part of this MOPS group. I witnessed first hand what it means to really be the hands and feet of Jesus. As I was facing the biggest fight of my life, these super-mamas, who barely knew me were signing up to bring food, gifts, and prayers to my family that we might have the sustenance to make it thru another day of life with cancer and a bone marrow transplant.  MOPS was also the place where I found some of the best in-the-trenches friends who see the ugly, messy vulnerable side and still want to journey with me to laugh about it on the other side. Through MOPS, I have found a well-spring of grace that allows me to find rest without guilt, and pulls me into the arms of the Almighty when I KNOW that my parenting skills are less than awesome. I have also found the joy of doing life together that culminates with 8-10 ladies around a sticky craft table all devouring a hot egg casserole and trying to match paint colors. Most importantly, MOPS has shown me how to be a better leader by serving and that sometimes the leadership road isn't always the most popular one but one I am called to still. Overall, I have learned how to better walk my walk with Christ. Now, it is my prayer that as I leave through those doors as a MOPS graduate that I truly am a better wife, mother, friend, leader, and daughter of the King. 

So after three years of doing Hospitality/DGL and two years of co-coordinating, I have to say a "See ya later". To all of you who are in my group today, for all of you who have been at my tables, and to those who have served and labored with love at my side, I say thank you. Thanks for all of  the love, hugs, memories, and prayers.  "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" Romans 15:13 Never forget that Columbine MOPS is forever written on my heart, and to Nicole, I owe you big time for opening the door to this life-giving endeavor.

So long and farewell to being a MOPS mama and hello to being a Ministry Coach.

                                             

A Beautiful Mess

This title could not be more perfect to describe my life this past year (thanks MOPS International for the idea), as evidenced by the fact that it's almost 2 months into a new year and nary a blog post has been written. 2015 started with such high hopes and great goals: Me turning 30, going to Momcon, Nevaeh turning five, starting kindergarten, first haircut and dentist visit and all of the staycations during the year. Now looking back...

 

 "As the year [2014] came to a close, I was and still am overwhelmed by feelings of change which have a small tail of fear attached to it. I keep getting this sense that my new normal that I have come to know and love is going to be different. In my heart, 2014 was the end of a distinct chapter, and 2015 is going to be another roller-coaster. There is urgency to love more, hug more, appreciate more, say more nice things, and to record more of life's little moments. I know this is not reinventing the wheel, but it feels like our time is shorter than ever."

 

This is what I wrote at the beginning of last year. Who knew that the tugging in my spirit would bring such a sad truth to my life. My new normal does not exist anymore. Most of what I knew of the world, shattered with just a few emails. I was brought to a depth of sorrow that literally rivaled my years of battling cancer. I went through the phases of grief like they were old friends. I again had to face the questions of "Why me God?". I thought I had learned my lessons and that now I could just wait for God to reveal the silver lining that I had been hoping for.  Instead, I have been broken to my very core, and been made vulnerable to an onslaught of Satan's lying arrows. 2015 has been a year that I would not wish on my worst enemy, but as with most things, great blessings have sprung from the depths of adversity. I have learned to be careful what I have wished for:). I have consistently desired a deeper relationship with God, and now I have it. He remained faithful even as my world dissolved away. He has given me the answers I needed when everyone else around me had no words to say. I have learned that it takes bravery to ask for help, and that I am braver than I knew. I have learned to be more like Christ. He is the very picture of grace, yet was never a doormat for the world to take advantage of. Most of all, I have learned that my places in life do not define me. I am first and foremost a daughter of the Most High God. I have been called to a plan and a purpose. My circumstances, if they change, will not deter me from the ministry I have been given. I need not be afraid of what is to come because El Roi sees me right where I am and Jehovah Jireh will provide for my needs.

My heart is heavy even as I write these words because I know that it is far easier to write them for the world than it is to cling to them in the valleys of sorrow. My heart is heavier still because of what today is. Today is the 6th anniversary of my diagnosis, and it was a Monday no less. I cannot hardly believe that so much time has passed. On this day, I have friends who are doing a similar battle with chemo drugs, and I am doing battle for a huge part of my life that I want to thrive and flourish (not my health for those who are concerned). I am battling against Satan who is telling me that I am alone and that I am not worth the joy that I seek. I am battling a culture and people who are telling me that I am crazy for settings standards and weak for seeking solace in boundaries. It is crazy how the times and dreams change. I used to think that by now, I would at least be pregnant with our second child or maybe have started some kind of job. I thought I would be healthier, more organized, and definitely caught up on my scrapbooking. Yet, here I am blundering through a mess and trying to recoup the joy in things that used to fill my cup. So here I sit, a beautiful mess, stronger than I was and more scarred than I thought was possible. In this mess I choose to fight back with joy, live in love, and walk in grace (thanks Margaret Feinberg and Bob Goff), and I apologize in advance for the probable overuse of my buzz phrases. So here is to another year of a crazy beautiful mess I call life.

2010 vs 2016

 

Just for kicks and giggles here is a some highlights of my 2015:

 



30 Years Worth of Lessons, Blessings, and Musings

I am officially out of my twenties!!! It seems so surreal to finally make it to this big milestone. Plus, let's be honest, there were definitely some times where I was not so sure I was going to make it here. This past week, one line of one of Alan Jackson's classic songs has been running through my mind. "Remember when, thirty seemed so old, and now lookin back, it's just s stepping stone..."How true that is even from my perspective of being in the middle of it. I remember thinking all growing up that by the time I reached this decade I should feel more capable and self-assured and be more adult-ish. However, I also did not realize all of the life lessons aka stepping stones that I would stumble across. So, here I am knocking at the door of my thirties, bruised, scarred, and covered in grace ready to embrace a new era that is hopefully leaps and bounds ahead of the last one I just went through. As I am writing this and taking stock of my past 30 years, there are some life lessons that I will take with me into the next chapters.

1. I will never leave home without some kind of camera because precious moments are quick and fleeting.
2. Singing classic musicals can make any situation better... "I have confidence in sunshine..." (thanks mom)
3. Most of life's questions can be answered with one-liners from FRIENDS and Seinfeld.
4. A hand written note is always worth its weight in gold.
5. You are never too old to enjoy classic Disney movies.
6. When you vacuum up parmesan cheese, your vacuum will forever smell like vomit every time you turn it on no matter how much you clean it out.
7. You are never too old to need your mom.

In addition to these lessons and musings, I am also holding fast to a lot of blessings and gratitude.

1. I am sooooooo glad that I still have my grandparents around to celebrate life with me.
2. I love that my daughter got a double share of confidence, and will be a ball-buster when she is older.
3. I am blessed to journey through the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful with an incredible family.
4. I am also blessed because my parents actually make me more hip and cool... seriously.
5. I love having a tribe of people that have seen the broken and vulnerable me and still love, support and pray for me unconditionally.
6. I am grateful to know that after facing death, I can face anything else that comes my way.
7. I am so grateful for the inventor of the camera card so I can indulge in my love of capturing every little detail of life on film... hey it's the small things in life that count too!
8. To top it off, I am so grateful for the grace, mercy and hope that I find in Christ. "Better is one day in his courts, than thousands elsewhere."

 So with a little inspiration from my friend Ericka here's to making my todays better than yesterday. Here's too learning to love and accept the person who God made me and to continue to embrace each new day.
Happy Birthday to me!!

 

Happy 4th BMT to me!!!

I can't believe it was four years ago today that I sat in a hospital bed, wallowing in the smell of creamed corn, trying not to puke my lungs out. Thankfully, I can say that today was a far cry from that experience. I got to see a movie with the hubs, and hang out by the pool with my mom and daughter. Every year on this day, I do try to take some time and thank the good Lord for blessing me with an abundant life. Just one look at this precious gift and who wouldn't be eternally grateful?

 
 

 To be honest though, today it has been more difficult to find the rest and peace in my gratitude. I am going through an incredibly difficult season of my life second only to having cancer (side note my difficulties are not my health). I feel like I need to change my name to Job some days. I KNOW that God is good and faithful and is The Omnipotent God, but I wonder where is His justice? How many life changes can one person handle? Apparently a lot. So, I am reminding myself of what I know. I know that God is El Roi (the God who sees me). I know that God is Jehovah-Rapha (the Lord our healer). I also know that God is Jehovah-Jireh (the Lord will provide). Therefore, I will keep putting one foot in front of the other, breathing in His grace, singing out His praise, grateful to be alive and eager to see His miraculous works. One final thought on my gratitude, these past couple of weeks, I have been reminded of the blessings of friends. My cup runneth over for all of you that are in my life in any capacity. Thanks for all of you that are listening ears, caring hugs, supportive prayers, and sweet laughter. You help make this life so abundantly amazing.

 

Cheers to another year of being cancer free!! Cheers to having a blessed life!! Cheers to seeing miracles come true!!

 

Where did the time go?

A huge milestone of mine just past in this whirlwind I call life. Five years ago on February 22 my life was forever changed. It almost feels redundant bringing it up every year, and trying to bring new life to the same lessons learned and to retell the miracles and episodes of grace that I experienced. However, I was recently inspired by the great Dr. Kent Brantly, an Ebola survivor. He was sharing his testimony with his friends at Samaritan's Purse. He based his talk on Deuteronomy 6 where God urges the fathers of Israel to remind their children of all the Lord has done for them. "I will never grow tired of talking of this,” Dr. Brantly said. “I’m going to keep telling my story, so I can remember what God has done in my life." “I want to encourage and challenge each of you,” he said. “Never think you’re just a normal person. If you’re pursuing God’s calling in your life, He will use you. Even if it’s a challenging calling, even if you find yourself in difficult circumstances, He will give you what you need to be faithful to Him, even if it’s a whole army of people praying for you.“Share your story over and over and over so you can remember we serve a mighty God.” So there you have it. I am here to share my heart, to remind myself of what I have learned, and to keep moving forward breathing out God's praises. My mantra for these past five years has been that God is good, God is faithful, and God is still God. As I am traversing this current valley, I see His hand moving, although in my humanness I wish He would speed things along just a little bit faster. He has blessed me with another army of prayer warriors who have been daily standing in the gap for me and my family. He continues to give me the strength to make it through each day even though the times appear bleak. Still, the thing that I am loving the most of His goodness is allowing me to really journey with people. These last five years have really opened my eyes to the relationships in my life. He has blessed me with some forever friends who have been there from the beginning. I have also gained some newer in-the-trenches kind of friends who are taking me to deeper levels of authenticity, and also friends that give me the opportunity to pay it forward by passing on the grace, mercy, and love that I have received and  am still receiving to this day. So Happy Five Year Anniversary to me!!!I pray that I am better both physically and spiritually than I was five years ago. I pray that my heart remains faithful through all of life's storms, and finally, I pray that the world will be changed by the word of my testimony.

Quote was taken from http://www.samaritanspurse.org/article/kent-brantly-at-samaritans-purse/

2010

2015

Highlights of 2014 and MORE...

It is that time of year again to take time not only to reflect on the past 12 months, but also to dream of the year ahead.  It was another banner year in our household, full of surprises and first time experiences. As the year came to a close, I was and still am overwhelmed by feelings of change which have a small tail of fear attached to it. I keep getting this sense that my new normal that I have come to know and love is going to be different. In my heart, 2014 was the end of a distinct chapter, and 2015 is going to be another roller-coaster. There is urgency to love more, hug more, appreciate more, say more nice things, and to record more of life's little moments. I know this is not reinventing the wheel, but it feels like our time is shorter than ever. Amid my turmoil, I heard a verse on the radio that hit me between the eyes. Hebrews 13:8 " Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Enough said. No matter how my world in 2015 swirls around me, my God never changes and is always faithful. I can face the good and not as good with a peace knowing I have my family and my faith to ride out the waves with. So bring it on 2015!!! I am still going to be like the paparazzi with my family, my camera stuck to my hand. I am going to learn to love my appearance as much as my spirit and personality. I am going to live without regrets in life and in any of my relationships. Finally, I am going to build up my tribe of in-the-trenches friends that boost my faith, protect my vulnerability, and all around enlighten my life. CHEERS to you!!!

And now my year in pictures...

January we had a family night out at the Chocolate Cafe which is always a treat.
 

February, I got a night out in Denver just me and my love, which was followed later that month by a heart ablation and pulmonary embolism. Let me just say the Coumadin Clinic is top notch despite the weird looks I got for being the only person under 60 in the waiting room.

In March, Nevaeh sung in her first kids choir, and let's just say singing in 5 services is  A LOT.

April brought a fun Easter watching Nevaeh hunt for eggs and taking her to the Butterfly Pavilion for the first time. I feel so old taking my daughter to a place that I had not been to in twenty years.

May turned out to be super busy with Nevaeh's first dance recital that was literally too cute for words. I am so that mom with the camera AND the video camera AND the DVD purchase, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Nevaeh also turned 4 going on 14. She talks like an adult with opinions to back it up. Note to self: Bouncy houses are not the same fun for adults. They need to come with a chiropractor.

 

 June we had Nevaeh's first pedicure, and her nails have not been bare since. She also started swimming lessons. Nevaeh should mean FEARLESS.

She is such a big girl riding her stridor in the neighborhood 4th of July parade.

Rounding out the summer was a fun-filled August. The five of us were all able to go to Glenwood Springs over our anniversary weekend. I realized again just how much I love generational living. For my birthday, I had the best surprise ever when my bestie Hollie surprised me at the Rockies game. Feelin Fine at 29!!!!

In September, we officially started Nevaeh in a new Ballet class at Canyon Concert Ballet. Could she be any cuter in tutu?

October, we went against the trend and made Nevaeh a pirate for Halloween. I was also able to go to Kentucky for another MOPS convention. I got to meet some of my favorite authors, dance with some really amazing women, and reconnect with a kindred spirit. This convention is really a highlight of my year. There may or may not be some embarrassing video evidence of the dancing somewhere...

 

 November brought on some more firsts with Nevaeh. She lost her first tooth, and she started enrichment classes at Resurrection Christian School. She is the only girl with 10 boys. I couldn't be more happy or proud of the way she handles herself with those boys. She will not be pushed around and that is a FACT.

Finally, to round out the year comes the ever bustling December full of parties, programs, family, and fun. Again, I was that mom with the camera and video camera recording her first program. She looked just like a little lady. Then when we went to see Santa, she asked him for the Home Depot toy workbench. Santa was speechless. Note to self: Nevaeh will sit through more holiday pictures if you let half of them be funny faces. The end of the month brought milestone birthdays for my mom and hubby (50 and 30) so we threw and 80's party complete with costumes. Why we ever thought those clothes were actually cool....

Grandpas are the best!!!

Who can live without FROZEN????

 So there is my (LONG) year review and the stepping stones of my future. I will say it again and again: I am one blessed Momma. I am a better person because of everyone who shares this journey of life with me. I look forward to a year of friendsgiving holidays and blinding camera flashes. Happy New Year to all!!!