It's a wonderful life

Here was my weekend. We got invited to a neighbor's pajamas Christmas party. How awesome!!! It gave me the excuse to buy cute pjs instead of my raggedy sweat pants. Then we walk into the house that will soon be filled with complete strangers and I have an SVT attack. So I excuse myself to the bathroom trying to purse-lip breathe and praying that I will convert back before I have to embarrass myself with either passing out or calling 911. I finally feel "normal" and begin to mingle. Then I see a momma holding her baby who has spit up all over her. I race over and start dabbing up the mess because that is what we mommas do. As I kneel down to clean the few drops that landed on the carpet, I hear this noise and a torrential rain of vomit covers my arm and neck. If I didn't know better I would have thought this kid was possessed by the incredible radius of vomit that encircled the area. Anyway, I cleaned myself off and went back to my snacking of course. Who is jealous of me??? :-D Seriously my name should be Murphy. On another upside, how cute is my baby girl? 

Heart to Heart

Today started as an ordinary day. I was not thrilled at visiting a third doctor in the last 10 days to say the least. It was a visit to the cardiologist to talk about fixing my SVT (supraventricular tachycardia). This was a long overdue visit because the chemo and recovery had taken precedence the last 4 years (which I still can't believe it has been that long). Anyway, I was heading out and a dear friend Amanda blessed me with a God-moment. She told me that she was so glad that I am healthy enough now to be able to deal with everything else in my life. I answered my usual yeah of course, but as I got into my car, I was floored... Absolutely!!!! Praise God that I am healthy enough to stop surviving and to continue living. Praise God, I get to go to an appointment that does not involve life-shattering news. Praise God I can have a procedure done to make my quality of life better, and take another medicine off of my daily roster. I have to admit, I battle frequently in the valleys of anger and self-pity. I sometimes, subconsciously, put on my cancer goggles, and I see all the ways that cancer messed up my life and my plans. I have a thyroid that is shooting craps, I have permanent visible scars all over, I don't have nearly the amount of energy I am used to, and the list could go on and on. I was so overwhelmed with humility that I cried all the way to the doctors office as I considered all that I do have now because of and in spite of cancer. I am more than blessed for my beautiful messy life. So for now, I am content and happy that life is good, the holidays are almost here, and I can put off any more tests and procedures till the new year. God is good...

                                                       and here is the proof!!!


PS For a health update, I was put on thyroid meds to help with a multitude of things. I have a PET scan first week of Feb and a cardiac ablation Feb 26th. Prayers would be most appreciated.

Humbled

 When it comes to the role of being a parent, I constantly remind myself of the promise in II Cor 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness".  Tonight, I was again humbled that I live under this promise and covering of grace. It is my biggest prayer that I show my daughter how to love Jesus and walk with Him. It is also my biggest fear that I am not doing a very good job, especially since lately has been less fun and more battling of wills. At church this evening my mother was holding Nevaeh in the sanctuary next to the baptismal, as we were waiting for the rest of the family to leave. Being the ever curious three year old, Nevaeh wanted to know what the tub was for. My mom talked a bit about baptism and what it is. Just then a dear pastor came up to say hi and Nevaeh told my mom "ask Pastor Rob about 'appetize'". They smiled and Pastor Rob explained a short version of John the Baptist baptizing Jesus. When they met us in the foyer Nevaeh told me "When I grow up, I'm going to be baptized and God is going to be really happy. Mom, did you know about John the Baptist covered Jesus in water and a white dove came down?" On and on all night, she kept shouting about getting baptized and making God happy. Needless to say, I was blown away and choked up with tears. What a gift to see a little life already craving to make God happy and a little heart that desires to know more of God. More than ever, I am fully aware that God is making up for my weaknesses and working in my daughter's life like I never could have imagined.

This is one happy, blessed and bawling momma....

A Bump in my Boring

Yes, I am writing ANOTHER health update for those amazing prayer warriors I still have out there. I had blood work, an ultrasound , and saw my oncologist this week. Big praise that the ultrasound came back normal, meaning my lymph nodes are not growing. My sed rate continues to be an enigma, but is not causing any worry at this time. The slight hitch in my health comes from my thyroid. The levels are still normal, but are on the very high side of normal. The plan for now is to watch the levels and then in 3 months see where they are and go see an endocrinologist to see if I have to be put on meds. It is more than likely that having the radiation plus all of the chemo just caused my thyroid to slow down.

Let's be honest, I am frustrated. I am wanting to move on from being a patient. I am tired of having things, even little things, be wrong with me. I know that adding one more med to my daily regime is minimal in the light of still being alive, but I am still human with human emotions. Prayers right now would be most appreciated that my levels regulate themselves. Still no matter what happens, I am repeating my own mantra back to myself. I KNOW that God is good, God is faithful and God is still God.

Cancer really does epitomize all that is evil....Just sayin

Food for Thought

I had some quiet time the other day where I didn't have any pressing chores to get done, and I had the inspiration to dust off :( my current devotional (honestly, it's been awhile). It's called Praying the Names of God. I came across the name Yahweh Yireh, the Lord will provide. It comes from raah meaning "to see". The more I read the more my heart was humbled. We serve a God so great he can see what is behind and what is to come and can, therefore, adequately provide for all of our needs.  It's first used in Gen 22 when God tests Abraham to sacrifice his only son. Just as Abraham raises the knife to kill, an angel stops him. Abraham turns and sees a ram caught in the bushes, and he is overjoyed because the Lord provided a sacrifice instead of his beloved boy. He called the place "The Lord will provide".

It seems like lately there are so many things going on in life. My prayer list and my want list appear to be getting longer every day. Sometimes, it is all so overwhelming that I don't think that any of it will get done, or the sacrifices I may have to make will be too much for me to bear. As I was sitting here contemplating things, I had a small feeling of peace pervade my spirit. I realized I could trust in God. I can call out to Yahweh Yireh ,and trust that He already knows and is on top of it. I can cling to the fact that even though things may not go the way I think they should, I know He has still COMPLETELY provided all that I need.

So, today I come vulnerable, I release my fears, and I pray that Yahweh Yireh will hear the cry of my heart for the right people to come into my life. I also pray that whoever reads this post will find peace in Yahweh Yireh.



Highlights of June 2013

I thought it was going to be a relatively quiet summer with no place to go, but boy has it been busy. We seemed to have quite a few firsts this month. Nevaeh was fully and officially three years old with the attitude to match. She had to start a new Sunday School class at church and was less than thrilled to leave her favorite teachers to join the older kids. Even after a couple of classes, it was still a breakdown. She has never had a problem being left in a class till now. I am praying this is a short-lived battle.

Daddy trying to convince her to stay in class.

 

 

For Father's Day my hubby wanted to show his daughter one of his favorite hobbies- bowling. PTL for the kids bowl free program so now we can go all the time for mere pennies:) Anyway, it was so cute watching her try to lift the heavy ball onto the ramp and push it down with all her might. She thought she was the biggest winner every time she knocked any pins down. She was also the biggest cheerleader for the rest of us. Is it bad that she ended up with a much better score than me? Oh well! There is nothing better to end a great day than with froyo complete with sprinkles and boba balls.

 

                                   

 

 

 

<3 Chippers Lanes <3 TCBY<3

 

Another favorite activity of this summer is the ever classic running in the sprinklers. Of course, since we have a special little girl, we have the jumbo Ariel the mermaid sprinkler ball to run through. This is what true memories are made of.

 

 

Not gonna lie, this momma was too out of breath to blow it up all the way!!

 

 

The next weekend, our neighborhood had its annual movie night out in the park. We watched Mosters Inc in our jammies and made some new friends and ate some popcorn. Good times were had by all.

 

 

 

Our really big excitement for the month was going to the Denver Zoo. It was Nevaeh's first time, and it made it awesome that she was old enough to really enjoy it. She is still talking about it a few weeks later and cannot wait to go again. She loved the penguins, elephants and gorillas the best. Apparently though, bats and snakes are still not safe behind glass and require loud moments of hysteria. My favorite part of the day was that my parents were able to join us as we observed the cutest little girl exuding joy over a new day, new experience. 

As my child, she easily tires of all my               excessive  picture taking, and I can't really blame her.

 

 

 

 

Finally, we are in our third semester of Music Lingua Spanish and we are learning about the ocean. Miss Julie does amazing work at coming up with new activities to keep the short attentions of our little ones. Seriously, who doesn't love a parachute in class? It is definitely always acceptable. Plus, its never a dull moment when you get to dress up like a pirate. We love this class and are learning a lot. 

 

 Yo soy un pirata!!

 Its been an awesome start to the summer, and I can't believe its already a third over. All of these "firsts" have been a blast to witness. These moments are what make the torturous threes worth it, to see the joy as she discovers new facets of life.  I am really excited to see what the rest of the summer holds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Happy 2nd BMT Birthday to me!!!

Two years ago today seems like an eternity away. I was sitting in a cloud that smelled of creamed corn, crying, and trying not to vomit all over my parents while receiving my new immune system. Today, I got to sit with my daughter and sing songs about pirates in Spanish, eat Chickfila with the parents, and tonight its girls night at Bunko. I couldnt be happier. Honestly, I am still not 100% better or "normal" but I am so happy to have a new normal.  I don't know if people get bored with all of my updates, but these are my Ebenezers.These posts are my visual reminders of God's faithfulness and grace in my life, and they help get me out of life's valleys of tiredness, gloominess, and monotony.

So on this special day, I send out hugs to all of my family and friends who have traveled this crazy journey with me, and to my cousin Kenton who just started his own BMT journey, I send out faith hope and love.