Today is an anniversary of sorts. It is mostly unknown to those around me, yet it marks the spot of some very dark valleys I have had to wander thru. This past year definitely had it's share of times so dark, it literally had me on my knees wailing. Someone once said that it is in the darkest night, the stars shine their brightest. These little glimmers of light are essential to giving us hope that there is something beyond these dark nights, that there is good even in the midst of the bad. This past year like so many in the past God has been gracious in giving me glimpses of hope as I wait, almost, patiently for a miracle and for redemption. He has given me my own constellation of good moments and some moments of pure holiness that I will never forget.
Some of these moments came in the most unlikely places and in the hands of some unlikely people. For instance, I was blown away when God chose to use a class of little second graders to draw me closer to His heart. These little people had written letters to my deployed husband and his unit and they wanted to not only pray over those letters but also over Nevaeh and I. (I am getting goosebumps and tears even as I am writing this post). Seeing their pure faith released as they laid hands on us and lifted up their simple yet profound prayers was both inspiring and humbling. If there ever was a holy moment, this was it. It made me want to take off my shoes and lay prostrate on the ground in reverance. Another moment came after a game night out with some of my closest lady friends. We had a great night filled with loud laughs and great food and amazing fellowship. It was the kind of night that just filled my empty cup. As the night was drawing to an end, one of our own shared some devastating news that rocked us all to the core. Even after a fun night of crazy laughter, these ladies did not hesitate to come over to hug and cry and surround us with prayer. I firmly believe that God orchestrated all the details of that girl's night to be the perfect place to share some hard things, and I also firmly believe that God created us to be a community, to be a part of a tribe, to do everyday life with those around us. To those in my tribes, I am truly blessed because of all of you.
Another star moment this past year was when I went to the local IF:Gathering. I went not knowing a soul and having never gone before. This was a step way out of my comfort zone, but one I needed to take. I needed a God- moment. I needed a spiritual refreshing, and this was so much more. As I was hanging around the registration desk looking lost, I was graciously invited to sit with a small group of ladies so I would not have to sit alone. It was amazing. It was like doing church New Testament style. We broke bread together, we worshiped together, and we shared our struggles together. I can't even begin to describe how awesome this experience was or tell why it was life changing, but it was. It was a moment where I could literally feel a hug from heaven and a wave of pure grace flowing over me. Finally, my most recent moment of hope has come thru my beautiful niece Tamzin. She is adorable and hilarious and so easy to take care of. I get the supreme pleasure of getting to be her nanny 3 days a week. Its like the best of both worlds, getting in my snuggles and still getting to sleep at night. She is also my silver lining. When my daughter was born, I was deathly ill. Even after several months post chemo, I did not have the stamina or strength to really take care of her. I missed out on a lot of bonding time and baby snuggles because I was just too sick. I grieved a lot over the things I missed, and still sometimes grieve today. Yet,through it all I have held onto the verse in Joel 2:25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten...". This is an "aha" moment. It is as though God is redeeming that time and treasure lost with Nevaeh by caring for Tamzin. It's not a miracle I was expecting, but one I am so grateful for.
These stories are just a glimpse of my stellar constellation. These are some of the moments that I cling to when my dark nights return. These are the moments I want to rejoice in, and these are the moments I want to share to give hope. So here's to hoping and believing and trusting that 2018 is going to be even more magnanimous.
Now here is a picture recap of 2017:
