And The Results Are In...

I would like to start and welcome all of you to the roller coaster that is my life. Today has been rough, completely engulfed in battle. I was trying to bask in peace, and Satan did his best to steal my joy. Thankfully, now I can rest in that heavenly peace. Anyway, the results are a little confusing but overall positive. My last scan back in Sept 2012 showed one lymph node in my neck that was glowing a little bit. We kept an eye on it and did an ultrasound every two months which showed no change or growth. Now this time around, I have been sick a more than once with the nasty head/chest colds that have been going around. So my scan revealed my neck lymph nodes shining brighter and also my sinuses were now glowing. Plus my blood work (aka SED rate) was elevated again showing inflammation.All of this put together could essentially mean a few different things. So now this is what this means for me. We are going to repeat blood work in two weeks and in four weeks and see if the SED rate goes back down. If it does we will continue to watch and wait and see. If it remains elevated then we will possibly try to do some biopsys on the glowing lymph nodes in my neck.

So after all of that jargon, here are the positives: 1 PRAISE THE LORD the rest of my body is squeaky clean. 2 My dr is fairly confident that the glowing is just a result of the infections I have been dealing with and is not at this point worried about a recurrence 3 Because life is good, I got to really enjoy my night out making glass crafts with my girls.

Again, I cant thank all of you enough for your continued prayers and support through this nonstop journey. If I could ask you to stay on your knees for awhile longer, I would ask that we pray together that this lypmph node would just disappear so there wont be any more questions and that I could finally get over all of these sicknesses going around.

Here's to livin it up,

Amazed

Amazed is the only word to describe my heart's condition. Ever since my last post about battling fear, I have been overcome by waves of peace and the freedom that comes with it. The kind of freedom that makes you want to dance like David did in his underware (2Sam 6:14):). Don't get me wrong, Satan has been working overtime to feed me doubts,especially this week, with my test results coming tomorrow, new cases of cancer appearing in loved ones, others fighting losing battles, and the list could go on. Thankfully, I serve an omnipotent God who has surrounded me...
AMAZING!!!
 To add to this feeling, I was reminded again tonight of the awesomeness of God. A God who is big enough to handle every request, every care, and every concern thrown up to heaven. He cares that sometimes I have to trade worded prayers for tears and questions. He cares about my righteous anger towards cancer, and He cares enough to gently remind me of what I already know... that God is God, God is good and God is faithful. I can rest knowing that He has already gone ahead of my results and holds all my loved ones in His hands.
Again, AMAZED about sums it up.

 

Heavy on my Heart

I give up....

Fear.... It's made its way back into my life again and is making me crazy. I have my Pet Scan again tomorrow which should be a routine thing, but this time seems more monumental. Its the combination of being sick for several weeks and having the lingering inflammed lymph node in my neck that makes me fearful of the results. I am almost embarrassed to admit it considering what God has already brought me through. I have already faced death and extreme illness and I'm still standing tall on the other side of it. Deep in my heart, I KNOW that God is God and good and faithful but for some reason that has been replaced with the what ifs. Last night at church, we sang the hymn "Because He Lives" God sent his son They called him Jesus He came to love Heal and forgive
He lived and died To buy my pardon An empty grave Is there to prove My Savior lives
(Chorus)
Because he lives I can face tomorrow Because he lives All fear is gone Because I know
He holds the future And life and is worth the living Just because he lives

And then one day I'll cross the river I'll fight life's final war with pain And then as death
Gives way to victory I'll see the lights Of glory and I'll know he lives
While singing the chorus I just burst into tears. He has already fought the battle and won. I literally have no reason to fear.  I remembered that regardless of the outcome of the tests, I have healing through Jesus Christ. I will either ejoy living life on this earth with my amazing family and friends or I will be enjoying glory without any more pain or heartache. So while I wait for the results, I will be constantly giving up my fear to the Ultimate Healer, and try to relish every moment I have with the ones I love. "Get busy Livin or get busy dyin"~ Shawshank Redemption.

So I give up, to give a life to this precious little gift.

An Ebenezer....

Ebenezer is a term from the Bible that stands for "Stone of Help" and was used when the Isrealites set up a stone marker to remind them of God's help in defeating their enemies. To quote from Dr. Gregory S. Neal  "an Ebenezer is a'stone of help,' or a reminder of God’s Real, Holy Presence and Divine aid. Spiritually and theologically speaking, an Ebenezer can be nearly anything that reminds us of God’s presence and help..." My mother has a violet ribbon for my cancer journey as a testament to God's faithfulness in bringing us all through the fire as her own Ebenezer. This, however, is not nearly as monumental as the previous two examples but it is something that needs to be set in stone as a reminder that God is faithfully working in my life.

This week has been an interesting one. Last Friday night, my daughter spent it throwing up all night while my husband was away for his military reserves, and needless to say I was not feeling well either. Then on Tuesday morning, I started to get a head cold complete with runny nose and chesty cough. I was just so exhausted to have to keep running after my two year old while the pressure built up in my head. My hubby came home early that night from his swing shift, and told me he had taken off the rest of the week to take care of his sicky wife and child. I was thrilled. I might actually be able to get some sleep and a mental health day. The next morning we both woke up with the same cold and come to find out my dad was coming home with the nasty stomach flu. Still, my hubby is such a trooper. Even though not feeling well himself, he still took our daughter to the dr to get some lab work done, fed and changed her, and waited on me hand and foot. Even today while still recovering, he has taken care of the daily grind of caring for a toddler. His patience and care have gone above and beyond. So while it may not make clear sense to all who read this why I deem it an ebenezer, it really is. I believe that this week has shown that God is using my already wonderful husband to be an even better person, and therefore, I believe that blessings are to follow. So here's to the New Years resolution that we will all try to be better people, friends, and spouses.

The One Bright Spot

This weekend has already been a struggle. my hubbs is gone for his reserve weekend, and my mom and i tried to do some desparetely needed shopping. My normally perfect child decided to constantly whine, run away and disregard everything i said. Needless to say, i was physically and emotionally drained. Then she woke up at two am and precedes to puke about eight more times till after six am. I dont feel good to top it all off. Then the bright side, im laying on the couch trying to rest and my sweet baby comes over to pat my cheek and tell me "that everything will be ok" and "i make you feel better punkin pie". Of course this brought tears to my already emotional eyes. Now i remembered why i wanted to be a mom. i couldnt love her more.

Happy Happy 2013!!! I am so excited to start this blog as something new even if no one else follows it. Maybe I can bless someone or at least look back on my life and learn from all of my trials. Regardless, it is my prayer that this year be an amazing one filled with miracles and new milestones.

We started off the new year with a pretty quiet new years eve. We stayed home just the three of us and watched movies. After reading Facebook, it seems like everyone else was doing the same due to all of the illnesses going around. I am so glad to hopefully be passed all of it. Anyway, surprisingly Nevaeh made it all the way to midnight with us. We were watching Dick Clark's rocking eve, and she was dancing with Psy doing "gangnam style". Oh how I wish that my eyes coul record all that it sees with Nevaeh growing up. Then she made my day saying that I (aka Mommy) looked like the blonde Justin Bieber dancer. We had her watch the ball drop while she stood in between the both of us, holding her cup of sprakling cider. The scene brought tears to my eyes as I watched in take it all in in amazement. To top off a great night, she then falls down some of the stairs and hits her head, scaring her daddy and I to death. Oh well, she is still alive and still a firecracker this morning. Why is it that no matter how late you put the kids to bed, they still wake up at the same time or earlier than normal?
                                                                                                                                                                  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today was still quiet but good. I always love having my grandparents around even when all we do is eat and watch football with an occasional card game thrown in. I have stuffed myself silly with awesome food, including a new seafood dip that I made up. Pretty sure its going to become a staple for get-togethers. Anyway, one thing that does dampen my day is the dread of all of the dieting talk that is going to come out in ALL social circles. I know that I should probably join in, but it literally angers me. I have been given a second, third, fourth chance at life, and I don't believe that God would want me to waste the enjoyment of life, making myself crazy over calories, points or excercising. I need to enjoy every second I have and not be afraid to go out and be with friends. Therefore, This year I will aim to take things more in moderation and focus just on living. So to conclude, Happy New Year to all of those I call friends and family.