WHAT???!!!

After my 5 hr appointment at the TACTICS clinic, I am seriously considering writing a book called Cancer: the hamster wheel keeps on turning. No one ever tells you that the journey never ends. Cancer is embedded into the very pavement of the road of your life. After diagnosis, they mention risks but it takes a backstage to keeping you alive. Then you begin treatment, taking each day as it comes, but always with the hope of having one day of coming back to health. You finish treatment and wait for the sacred results that say cancer free. Life becomes rosy, and the little bumps in the road are just pebbles beneath your feet. Looking around, you realize you are at the summit of the cancer mountain and ahead lies a life free from nausea, wigs, pokes, and prods. As you descend into this new stage of life, doctors seem to appear on the road at every turn. It turns out that the very means they used to save your life are now on an increased hunt to take it away again. The chemotherapy I took can cause increased problems with my heart not functioning up to par, my lungs stiffening, and having only a 10% chance of future childbearing. The radiation I had leads to greatly increased risks of thyroid cancer and breast cancer and skin cancer. This is all compounded with the usual guilt-ridden lecture of exercise more and get more sleep...Umm Thanks for that I will try to pencil it in.

Rollin Rollin Rollin, the wheels keep on turning. So here is where I am at right now. I am attempting to soak up as much information as I can without making me crazy, and then together with my family try to create the best possible balance of screenings and follow-up with living in the moment of a joyous life. I will admit that I am prone to worry, and the thought that I might possibly get cancer again makes me want to curl up and sob. So, I am focusing on hope. God clearly saved me several times for some purpose that has yet to come. Also, I can rest in the omnipotence and omniscience of God knowing that He's got this and He will give me what I need when I need it. So no need to worry prematurely is what I will keep Rollin Rollin Rollin in my head. By the way, CANCER still SUCKS😁😁😁.

Medical Mania

 

IT"S FINALLY HERE!!! After six months of taking rat poison, I will take my last dose of Coumadin tonight. Tomorrow is a new chapter to find yet another new normal, and the bracelet will stay off. Even though this may seem like a small thing, it is actually huge. I am down to only one medication taken daily. Plus, I can finally eat all the salads I want without having to worry about my INR numbers. No more monthly visits to the amazing Coumadin clinic, and see people looking at me with their jaws hanging open thinking I am way to young to be in that office. It's a good day.

 

On another note, October has me getting an echo done and some special lab work to make sure my body has recovered from the circus it has been through. Then in November, I was accepted to be part of the Tactics Survivorship clinic to address my increased risk factors and how to proceed for follow-up from here on out.

 

 

God is still so good, and I pray my story will change the world even if it is for just one person. Thanks again to all my prayer warriors. I am blessed by all of you.

Happy 3rd BMT Birthday to Me!!!

I can hardly believe it has been only 3 years since one of the worst days of my life. It seems like eons ago even though the memories are still quite vivid. It feels good to say that I have finally made it back to some semblance of normalcy besides a few bumps in the road (i.e. pulmonary embolisms and Coumadin). One of the best things this past year has brought me is some slivers of the silver linings  that I have been praying for. Through my own struggles, I was able to bring some hope, encouragement, and love to others entering the world of cancer, and some people were brought back to a place of faith in the Ultimate Healer. Though I have been thankful for each new day I have been given, I feel as though I am finally in a place of no longer surviving but actually thriving.  It is amazing to me what the difference a year can make.
    As with any new year, there are new goals to set,resolutions to keep, and mantras to add. One thing that has really been heavy on my heart is first Chronicles 4:10 " Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request"  I feel like I have so much more to give, and I desire to have God expand my boundaries. I have an amazing testimony and a coffer full of grace, hope, and love that I would love to share with those in need. One of the first steps in enlarging my territory is becoming co-coordinator of my MOPS group for the upcoming year. I pray that I will be a blessing to all of those mommas no matter what form it may be, and I pray that there will be many more boundaries to expand.
    Secondly, Luke 6:31 is being added to my list of life's mantras. It says " Do to others as you would have them do to you." I know this is so cliché and it makes you feel like we are back in Sunday school, but there is so much truth in it. We all know that life is so short, so we only have a small window in time to change the world for the people around us. I know how much I value the admiration and the affirmation of my friends and family. I want to and need to be told sometimes that I make someone's day or that I am needed. I am blown away by the little gestures of a text, email or handwritten note encouraging me or covering me in prayer. If I cherish these moments so much, how can I not go and do the same for others? I want the people in my life to know that they are loved, and appreciated, and that my life is better with them in it. So If I get the thought to reach out to someone, I'm not going to put it off. I am going to send a random note of encouragement because we all need to be told that we have value and we are beautiful people.

So here's to celebrating another year covered in grace.

This is my fruit tart treat for my little birthday celebration.

   

"I've got this"

Nevaeh recently turned the big "4", and my mind is still reeling with the thoughts of it. Ever since she turned three, she has been like a teenager, and continues to act like one more and more. This, I was not remotely prepared for. I now have to have legitimate reasons, arguments, and facts to answer ALL of the Whys?, What's?, and How comes?, not to mention trying to maintain the patience of Job. "Because I said so" is no longer an option. Nevaeh truly keeps me on my toes in every sense of the word.

 

To celebrate her big day, we went down the road of renting a bouncy house. After much praying for good weather amid the storms, the sun came out to make a beautiful day, and no child got blown away inside of the birthday cake bouncy house. It was a joyful celebration, and according to Nevaeh "This is the best birthday ever!!" Nothing makes my heart sing, than to know I have made some good memories for Nevaeh to keep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Nevaeh,

You are now four, and I feel like I have just blinked as the time flew away. This has been a fun year filled with firsts, like singing in kids choir and taking dance classes. You are an incredible little lady, and you never cease to amaze your daddy and I. Your compassionate heart runneth over if someone is hurt or in need. Your independence, fierce determination, curiosity, and logic constantly keep me on my toes and guessing. I have never met a child who was so adamant about using a fork to eat, even when its just toast. The sharpness of your memory blows me away as you remember the minutest of details for months. I am still giggling over the times that you remember the shoes people wore when they first met you, and not caring about the clothes they were wearing, their hair color, or what they said to you. I love that you still love to help wash dishes, dust, and wipe things off with the Clorox wipes, even though I sometimes lack the patience to let you help.
    However, what I love most about you is the overflow of your heart. I love the way that you love Jesus, and that you find so much joy in all forms of worship. I am humbled and blessed to witness how easy and fun tithing is and that you always give over and above the expected. The sparkle of your eyes as you repeat your monthly Bible verses all by yourself, make my heart melt. Also, my joy runneth over when you sing at the top of your lungs in public, the hymns that we learn each night before bed. Finally, I love that even in the worst of times you always remind me that you are not just my sweet pea or pumpkin pie but that you are Our Gift and Our Miracle. You have so many gifts and strengths, and we can only wait to see what amazing things that God is going to do with you. We love you so very much, Miss Nevaeh.
Love Mommy and Daddy

 

Heavy on my Heart

Tim Tebow once said "I don't know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future."

I have come back to this quote again and again, especially this month and especially this week. Going to the doctor and getting these risky tests done never seems to get any easier even with what I DO know. I have said it a hundred times and will say it hundreds more; I go back to what I know and not what I feel. I KNOW that God is good, God is faithful, and God is still God. The thing that is scary is what I DON'T know. I do not know what God's will is or what He will allow in my life, or  what He will call me to do.

I could not even fathom that four years ago today, February 22,2010, that I would be allowed to face the battle of a lifetime, a battle that would change me on the inside and the outside. Looking back, I cannot help but be amazed at the bountiful miracles that came my way. I have the most beautiful, spirited daughter, closer relationships with my family, new friends, and the largest army of prayers warriors just to name a few. These miracles are why I write about and remember that red letter day. The day of my diagnosis is like my New Year. New Year's Day is the time for people to reflect back on the previous year and make resolutions to better themselves or to better their lives. February 22nd is my time to reflect back on my new normal. It is a time to count my blessings, to express my gratitude, and to keep finding my silver linings. The biggest prayer of these last fours years, besides healing of course, is that this cancer journey would not be in vain but that so much good would come from it. Joel 2:25 says "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..." Well, I have mourned for what I have lost, and I will now look forward with hope to see the abundance He has in store for me.

As for this present moment, I am relishing the peace that comes with having a clean scan, and I am praying that my meds will help with my thyroid. I am also prepping for another health conscious week. I have my heart ablation on Wed the 26th. Thankfully, I know Who goes on before me and who stands behind. On the upside, I can be grateful that going to the doctor is still a nerve-wracking experience because it definitely forces me to stay on my knees praying for peace, grace and mercy from the Ultimate Healer.

So here is to a Happy 4th anniversary to me!!!

Highlights of 2013

Psalm 78:4 "We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders He has done."

Cross references:

1. Psalm 78:4 : S Dt 11:19
2. Psalm 78:4 : S Dt 32:7; S Ps 71:18
3. Psalm 78:4 : Ps 26:7; 71:17
4. Psalm 78:4 : S Job 5:9

 I started this blog just a year ago not only to keep people everywhere updated on my health, but also to journal my thoughts and feelings and to record my blessings. This is kind of like my cheap therapy, and a constant reminder of my life's mantra. Anyway, it is that time of year again to reflect on the past and hope for the future. I tend not to make resolutions because I am not that motivated to be perfectly honest. My theory is if you don't make them you can't break them:) Anyway, after making several photo projects this year I realized just how much I am behind the lens of the camera instead of in the picture. Out of literally thousands of photos, there are only a small handful of full family pictures. How sad is that? So my goal/resolution is to take more pictures, especially more of the three and the five of us. I have already warned, I mean told, my family to be prepared because the camera is going to be a more prominent fixture. Now to the rest of the story...

 

As with everyone, this has been a full year of events, firsts, and fun. Here are some of my favorite highlights. (WARNING it may be a touch long:))

• January I got to start Nevaeh in  six months of Music Lingua which is learning Spanish through songs. It was amazing to see her sponge of a mind soak it all up.

  

  Its always a good day when you get to dress like a pirate

           

• February I FINALLY got to experience the wonder that is known as the Melting Pot. (I'm pretty sure I audibly moaned it was that good.)

  

• Easter was fun this year as Nevaeh was able to egg hunt, mostly on her own, and she was so excited to get an Easter basket.
  
• In May Nevaeh turned 3 years old and suddenly became a very opinionated little person. She is such a joy, and her mind never ceases to amaze me. I am pretty sure she has taught me more than I have taught her.
  
• Turning the BIG 3 also meant leaving the comforts of her favorite Sunday school teachers Teacher Sandy and Teacher Gordon for a class with the bigger kids. Seriously, these two people are angels in human form. 
  
• June was an exciting and full month with the first attempt at bowling (praise the Lord for Kids Bowl Free coupons), the first trip to the awesome Denver Zoo, and the start of a combo Gymnastics and Ballet class.
  
  

  

  
  
  
   



• Fireworks is of course the best thing about July and it was the first time Nevaeh was able to understand and thoroughly enjoy them since previous years we have had bans on them for fire hazards. 

 

• August is always a busy month in our house with MY birthday, two anniversaries, block parties, and MOPS leadership retreat for my 3rd year as hospitality leader.
  
  
  
                                        

Sky Corral is a little alcove of heaven

•  September brought about a fun Firefighters Ball and really showed us what a love for cooking and helping Nevaeh has.  

           

 

• Fall came rolling in with some fun times. I went to a MOPS convention and got to meet Beth Moore and dress in a 1970's maxi dress and go dancing with a bunch of other mommas. For Halloween Nevaeh dressed like Doc McStuffins and had just as much fun passing out candy as she did getting it. Plus, I had a visit with one of my oldest and dearest friends at Casa Bonitas. Sopapillas anyone?
  
  
  
  
   
  
• Finally, rounding out the year comes the whole slew of holiday fun, parties, friends and family.

  

  Helping Gigi with the Apple pie and Grandma with Christmas cookies

                                                                                                                                                               
  
  
  
  
  

  

  
  

  
    Cooper's birthday party where she asked Santa for clothes that fit. It was a really AWESOME mom moment.....
  
  
   A neighborhood Christmas PJ party.
  
  
  
   Celebrating Clay's birthday all Together
   So here is to a New Year full of good health and good friends. I am grateful for each one of you who reads this and shares in my life and covers me with prayer.