Today was a good day. My fingers hesitate as I am typing this, because it feels almost scary to even say those words. It feels like it might take away from the horror and struggle of the last 11 months and the past 12 years overall. Still, I will say it again, today was a good day. Today was a day filled with redemption. Today was a day where joy was found in the normal and the mundane. Today was a day where there were flickers of light and glimpses into possibilities. Today was a day for silver linings.
A few weeks ago, a dear friend of mine asked if I would be willing and able to come speak to a group of awesome mamas. I agreed, a date was set, and she gave me the space to just share my heart. As I was preparing for this time, it finally dawned on me the significance that today held. It is my 12 year cancerversary. Now to most, this may seem like a trifle thing, but to me, today was a day to remember. I had the privilege and honor of being able to share my journey of these past 12 years. I was able to pay God's goodness forward as I gave these women permission to wrestle with God and permission to feel all of those hard feelings and have it be ok. Today, I was able to see Joel 2:25 come to life in a way that blew my mind and filled my cup. I was both humbled and excited.
The rest of the day passed by with a sense of normalcy that I had almost forgotten even existed. I got to take my daughter and my niece to school. I got to take funny pictures as we waited in the preschool drop off line. I got to cheer on my daughter's 6th grade basketball team as they played to victory. Today, I got to bask in my freedom, and sit in its calming peace. For the first time in a long time, my prayer was no longer "Why Me?" or "How much longer Lord must I endure?"; instead gratitude and hope were the whispers on my lips. I know my journey is not over, neither with my cancer nor my divorce, and that is ok. For now, though, I will rejoice and celebrate the fact that cancer did not win 12 years ago. I will celebrate that my miracle daughter is alive and thriving. I will celebrate that although my dreams took on a different look , they are still coming true in my life. I will celebrate that the ashes from my story are bringing hope to those around me. I will celebrate that I still have this second chance to make this messy chaos into a beautiful life.
As always, I cannot leave without acknowledging the best tribe of people. To those who have walked beside me, cried with me, held my arms above me, stood in the gap for me, spoke truth and power and prayer over me, and overwhelmed me with blessings, to you I give my humble gratitude. No matter the darkness that my story has held, because of all of you, I am the luckiest and most blessed girl there is. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Here is to an amazing year of walking in freedom and the peace that follows perseverance.
May it be so.
