"8" is GREAT!!! Happy 8th BMT Anniversary to me!!

Throughout my entire Lymphoma journey from diagnosis, to treatment, to my BMT, and to the recovery that followed, music has been an important tether for me. It has helped me to put words to the deepest cries of my heart and to bring prayers to my mind when I was struggling to survive. Recently, the song "Scars" by I AM THEY has deeply resonated in my soul, and I feel like it speaks to this particular place in my life. 

Waking up to a new sunrise

Looking back from the other side

I can see now with open eyes

Darkest water and deepest pain

I wouldn't trade it for anything

Cause my brokenness brought me to You

And these wounds are a story You'll use

So I'm thankful for the scars

'Cause without them I wouldn't know Your heart

And I know they'll always tell of who You are

So forever I am thankful for the scars

Now I'm standing in confidence

With the strength of Your faithfulness

And I'm not who I was before

No, I don't have to fear anymore

So I'm thankful for the scars

'Cause without them I wouldn't know Your heart

And I know they'll always tell of who You are

So forever I am thankful for the scars

I can see, I can see

How You delivered me

In Your hands, In Your feet

I found my victory

I can see, I can see

How You delivered me

In Your hands, In Your feet

I found my victory

I'm thankful for Your scars

'Cause without them I wouldn't know Your heart

And with my life I'll tell of who You are

So forever I am thankful

I'm thankful for the scars

'Cause without them I wouldn't know Your heart

And I know they'll always tell of who You are

So forever I am thankful for the scars

So forever I am thankful for the scars

I have to say that looking back, if given the choice, I probably would not choose to go back to that horrible, awful, excruciating day eight years ago as I cried and heaved and howled for my life. Nor would I wish it on my worst enemy, it was so bad. Overall, it was definitely not the life I had wished for or imagined. However, the resulting scars both visible and invisible are starting to not appear as marks of shame but are now proof of the strong and courageous road I have had to endure. It is these scars that give weight to my words and help to remind me of the faithfulness of God. It is these scars that have given me a superpower that I did not know existed. With them, I have the power and authority to speak into the pain and heartache of the people around me. I know firsthand the grief and frustration of seeing your dreams fade into something completely different. I can speak to the questions of whether I would ever feel good again, would this pain ever cease, and where the heck is God in all of this. I also have struggled through some dark avenues of depression wondering if life would ever hold any more joy. So with these imperfect and oddly shaped scars and my long journey of experience, I can boldly say "Sweet friend, I see you, and I get it". I can walk this journey next to you and cheer you on and hold up your arms when the battle won't stop raging. I can sit with you in the quietness and the tears, and I can speak truth over you when the world is swirling around. With these scars, I am able.

So now with 8 turns around the sun that have come and gone, I can really pay it forward, the grace and mercy I was given to live this life, and live it to the full. Now, I am far from perfect. My eyes sometimes stray from the truth, and I look at myself in the mirror with regret and distaste. I see my scars and think "Why me?". So this next year as I celebrate my health, it is the prayer of my heart that I see the gratitude behind those scraggly marks and that I have eyes to really see the hurt and the heart of those around me. 

Happy 8th New Birthday to ME!!!

https://youtu.be/OqjGT9BSyJA for your viewing pleasure the music video for the song.😍