A Red Letter Day Rememberance

Three years ago today was my red letter day. I can still remember exactly what I was wearing, what I was feeling, and who I was with. It was the day I had to face my worst fears of my new cancer diagnosis, that I might hurt my unborn child or that I might not live to see her grow up. I also had to come face to face with my faith. The same faith that I had proclaimed my whole life. I had to really discover what I truly knew about God. It all boiled down to a few "mantras" 1- I know that God is still God, God is good and God is faithful, 2-It's ok to be angry and frustrated and fearful of the unknown because I serve the omnipotent God who is big enough to handle all that I could throw at Him and finally 3- God didn't give this to me, He allowed it to happen, and it's ok if I never know why. These lessons still speak into my life on a daily basis keeping me focused when I face life's curveballs.

As I sit and ponder these last three years, I am overwhelmed in so many ways. I NEVER EVER would have chosen to endure this, but I can't help but be humbled and grateful for all that I have. A verse that kept me going was Joel 2 :25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm--my great army that I sent among you." I feel like now that I am really on the other side of this battle, I can see all of the gain from all that was lost. I gained some amazing friends from around the world. I gained a better appreciation for food and tastebuds. I got my dream of finally having curly hair. I get to stay home and raise my perfectly spirited little girl while enjoying the benefits of generational living. The list could go on and on, but I feel one of the greatest blessings I  have even more of is hope. I get to share that hope, not only through the Mighty Warriors, but also through random God-incidences. I firmly believe that God has granted me this second (or third) chance at life for a purpose. I need to enjoy every moment of each day, but I am also to be that beacon of hope for others in all different kinds of struggle.s I want beauty to come from these ashes of cancer. I want them to mean something, and to save someone.
So here is to the next year of hopeful remission. I pray that God will find me faithful, living my life to the fullest, and being a better all-around person full of grace and wisdom.

As I close, I could not begin to name every person that made a difference in my life in getting me to this day, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention a few. To my hubby Clay, baby, I love you more than ever, and thanks for sticking it out by my side. To my parents, Mark and Carla, you two are my rocks. I wouldn't be here without everything you did and continue to do. To my grandparents, Carl and Nellie, I can't imagine better grandparents ever existing. I could never repay you for all you have done for us. To my sister, Kiki, I never knew we could be so close:) literally. Thanks for all you sacrificed to help me, and thanks for always finding a way to make me laugh. Finally, to my beloved baby girl, Nevaeh. You are my joy and my reason for living. I'm so excited to see where this life takes us.

My cancer jewelry

 

 

A lighter note...

My Valentines Day this year was definitely a highlight. It was so fun to be able to dote on Nevaeh now that she can comprehend special days. Plus, I had a wonderful and much needed date with the love of my life on the following Saturday. I believe God gives us these incredible moments to sustain us through the rest of the chaos we go through. So here is a little taste of how blessed I am to love and be loved in return.

A Burden...

We are certainly living in crazy times. It seems as though evil continues to triumph no matter what the good guys do to counter it. I was overwhelmingly burdened for Colorado, specifically, and for our nation today.  Right now, our freedoms are one vote away from being taken away under the guise of "safety" and "justice". It makes me scared of what is to come. Anyway, I kept thinking about the Bible and the stories of when God would hold off punishment and judgement if there was just one righteous found in His sight. Gen 6, 18-19 both have stories of where our merciful God saved the righteous even in the midst of all evils. Therefore, I felt led to pray and to plead with God.While bawling, I prayed that a miracle would happen. I prayed that things would get better for a little bit if He could find just one faithful person. This is the prayer of my heart right now that I be found faithful, and that we as a body could join together and pray for miracles to happen.
 James 5:16 The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
Matthew 18:20
For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them

Herein is my vulnerability, sharing my thoughts even though controversial and asking to be joined in prayer for our great nation.

The Balance of Grace

Today marks the start of week 2 in our second attempt at potty training. Combine the ills and messes of that with a spirited two and a half year old, and sometimes, its a wonder that I am still standing. I find myself in the typical place of parenting of not having any clue as to whether I am doing anything right. Lately, the issue of grace keeps reverberating in my mind and heart. God, in His awesomeness, extended grace to us though we did not and continue to not deserve it. We have freedom, joy, peace, and eternal life because of this grace. As a parent, it is my duty and my utmost desire to pass this invitation on to Nevaeh, but I am struggling. How do I find the balance of grace and discipline? I want her to be a well-behaved woman and I know discipline leads to learning but when or how does grace fit into the picture? When does punishment get withheld to show the undeserving grace?

Well, I guess for now I will just go back to what I know that God is God, God is faithful, and God is good- His Grace covers a multitude of my shortcomings, especially as a parent.

Here is a reminder of God's grace in my life