It sounds weird and feels different in ways I cannot quite describe. This past year has been so very dark and heavy and just plain sucky. There have been times that the battles I have faced this past year were just as wearisome as the ones dealing with chemo. Then there were the times I couldn't remember my own mantra or the lessons I had already learned. There were times that felt (and still feel like) they will never get better, never get back to normal. 2021 was looking so promising like a beacon of hope and change, and so far I am not impressed. However, this year has also shown me in so many ways how good God continues to be. His promise to me of Joel 2:25 continues to come to fruition and that has never been more apparent than this past year. My battle, my hurts, my anger, my grace, my humbling, my redemption, and my entire journey has brought me to some incredibly holy places. This year has claimed so many new warriors to the cancer battle, and my heart has been burdened for each one. Every time I heard the news of my nephew, my friends, my friends' kids and moms, my heart broke as the remembrance of those horrific words overwhelmed my soul. I grieve because I know all that will be lost. I weep because I dread the pain and sickness that will come. I speak grace and truths because I know the confusion and anger that will find its way out. Then I pray because I know I serve a God that is good and faithful and still God. I serve a God that is big enough to handle the anger, frustration, doubt , and swearing that weaves its way into the heart of the warrior. I serve a God that can heal and do immeasurably more than I could ever ask for or imagine.
So on this 11th anniversary of my own diagnosis, I am thankful for the place I have been put. I am thankful for how far I have come, and for the incredible mission field before me. Finally, to all of you who stood in my gap, who held my arms up in battle, who wept when I wept and rejoiced when I could rejoice, who showed me the hands and feet of Jesus, I continue to thank God for you too.
