Happy 4th BMT to me!!!

I can't believe it was four years ago today that I sat in a hospital bed, wallowing in the smell of creamed corn, trying not to puke my lungs out. Thankfully, I can say that today was a far cry from that experience. I got to see a movie with the hubs, and hang out by the pool with my mom and daughter. Every year on this day, I do try to take some time and thank the good Lord for blessing me with an abundant life. Just one look at this precious gift and who wouldn't be eternally grateful?

 
 

 To be honest though, today it has been more difficult to find the rest and peace in my gratitude. I am going through an incredibly difficult season of my life second only to having cancer (side note my difficulties are not my health). I feel like I need to change my name to Job some days. I KNOW that God is good and faithful and is The Omnipotent God, but I wonder where is His justice? How many life changes can one person handle? Apparently a lot. So, I am reminding myself of what I know. I know that God is El Roi (the God who sees me). I know that God is Jehovah-Rapha (the Lord our healer). I also know that God is Jehovah-Jireh (the Lord will provide). Therefore, I will keep putting one foot in front of the other, breathing in His grace, singing out His praise, grateful to be alive and eager to see His miraculous works. One final thought on my gratitude, these past couple of weeks, I have been reminded of the blessings of friends. My cup runneth over for all of you that are in my life in any capacity. Thanks for all of you that are listening ears, caring hugs, supportive prayers, and sweet laughter. You help make this life so abundantly amazing.

 

Cheers to another year of being cancer free!! Cheers to having a blessed life!! Cheers to seeing miracles come true!!

 

Where did the time go?

A huge milestone of mine just past in this whirlwind I call life. Five years ago on February 22 my life was forever changed. It almost feels redundant bringing it up every year, and trying to bring new life to the same lessons learned and to retell the miracles and episodes of grace that I experienced. However, I was recently inspired by the great Dr. Kent Brantly, an Ebola survivor. He was sharing his testimony with his friends at Samaritan's Purse. He based his talk on Deuteronomy 6 where God urges the fathers of Israel to remind their children of all the Lord has done for them. "I will never grow tired of talking of this,” Dr. Brantly said. “I’m going to keep telling my story, so I can remember what God has done in my life." “I want to encourage and challenge each of you,” he said. “Never think you’re just a normal person. If you’re pursuing God’s calling in your life, He will use you. Even if it’s a challenging calling, even if you find yourself in difficult circumstances, He will give you what you need to be faithful to Him, even if it’s a whole army of people praying for you.“Share your story over and over and over so you can remember we serve a mighty God.” So there you have it. I am here to share my heart, to remind myself of what I have learned, and to keep moving forward breathing out God's praises. My mantra for these past five years has been that God is good, God is faithful, and God is still God. As I am traversing this current valley, I see His hand moving, although in my humanness I wish He would speed things along just a little bit faster. He has blessed me with another army of prayer warriors who have been daily standing in the gap for me and my family. He continues to give me the strength to make it through each day even though the times appear bleak. Still, the thing that I am loving the most of His goodness is allowing me to really journey with people. These last five years have really opened my eyes to the relationships in my life. He has blessed me with some forever friends who have been there from the beginning. I have also gained some newer in-the-trenches kind of friends who are taking me to deeper levels of authenticity, and also friends that give me the opportunity to pay it forward by passing on the grace, mercy, and love that I have received and  am still receiving to this day. So Happy Five Year Anniversary to me!!!I pray that I am better both physically and spiritually than I was five years ago. I pray that my heart remains faithful through all of life's storms, and finally, I pray that the world will be changed by the word of my testimony.

Quote was taken from http://www.samaritanspurse.org/article/kent-brantly-at-samaritans-purse/

2010

2015

Highlights of 2014 and MORE...

It is that time of year again to take time not only to reflect on the past 12 months, but also to dream of the year ahead.  It was another banner year in our household, full of surprises and first time experiences. As the year came to a close, I was and still am overwhelmed by feelings of change which have a small tail of fear attached to it. I keep getting this sense that my new normal that I have come to know and love is going to be different. In my heart, 2014 was the end of a distinct chapter, and 2015 is going to be another roller-coaster. There is urgency to love more, hug more, appreciate more, say more nice things, and to record more of life's little moments. I know this is not reinventing the wheel, but it feels like our time is shorter than ever. Amid my turmoil, I heard a verse on the radio that hit me between the eyes. Hebrews 13:8 " Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Enough said. No matter how my world in 2015 swirls around me, my God never changes and is always faithful. I can face the good and not as good with a peace knowing I have my family and my faith to ride out the waves with. So bring it on 2015!!! I am still going to be like the paparazzi with my family, my camera stuck to my hand. I am going to learn to love my appearance as much as my spirit and personality. I am going to live without regrets in life and in any of my relationships. Finally, I am going to build up my tribe of in-the-trenches friends that boost my faith, protect my vulnerability, and all around enlighten my life. CHEERS to you!!!

And now my year in pictures...

January we had a family night out at the Chocolate Cafe which is always a treat.
 

February, I got a night out in Denver just me and my love, which was followed later that month by a heart ablation and pulmonary embolism. Let me just say the Coumadin Clinic is top notch despite the weird looks I got for being the only person under 60 in the waiting room.

In March, Nevaeh sung in her first kids choir, and let's just say singing in 5 services is  A LOT.

April brought a fun Easter watching Nevaeh hunt for eggs and taking her to the Butterfly Pavilion for the first time. I feel so old taking my daughter to a place that I had not been to in twenty years.

May turned out to be super busy with Nevaeh's first dance recital that was literally too cute for words. I am so that mom with the camera AND the video camera AND the DVD purchase, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Nevaeh also turned 4 going on 14. She talks like an adult with opinions to back it up. Note to self: Bouncy houses are not the same fun for adults. They need to come with a chiropractor.

 

 June we had Nevaeh's first pedicure, and her nails have not been bare since. She also started swimming lessons. Nevaeh should mean FEARLESS.

She is such a big girl riding her stridor in the neighborhood 4th of July parade.

Rounding out the summer was a fun-filled August. The five of us were all able to go to Glenwood Springs over our anniversary weekend. I realized again just how much I love generational living. For my birthday, I had the best surprise ever when my bestie Hollie surprised me at the Rockies game. Feelin Fine at 29!!!!

In September, we officially started Nevaeh in a new Ballet class at Canyon Concert Ballet. Could she be any cuter in tutu?

October, we went against the trend and made Nevaeh a pirate for Halloween. I was also able to go to Kentucky for another MOPS convention. I got to meet some of my favorite authors, dance with some really amazing women, and reconnect with a kindred spirit. This convention is really a highlight of my year. There may or may not be some embarrassing video evidence of the dancing somewhere...

 

 November brought on some more firsts with Nevaeh. She lost her first tooth, and she started enrichment classes at Resurrection Christian School. She is the only girl with 10 boys. I couldn't be more happy or proud of the way she handles herself with those boys. She will not be pushed around and that is a FACT.

Finally, to round out the year comes the ever bustling December full of parties, programs, family, and fun. Again, I was that mom with the camera and video camera recording her first program. She looked just like a little lady. Then when we went to see Santa, she asked him for the Home Depot toy workbench. Santa was speechless. Note to self: Nevaeh will sit through more holiday pictures if you let half of them be funny faces. The end of the month brought milestone birthdays for my mom and hubby (50 and 30) so we threw and 80's party complete with costumes. Why we ever thought those clothes were actually cool....

Grandpas are the best!!!

Who can live without FROZEN????

 So there is my (LONG) year review and the stepping stones of my future. I will say it again and again: I am one blessed Momma. I am a better person because of everyone who shares this journey of life with me. I look forward to a year of friendsgiving holidays and blinding camera flashes. Happy New Year to all!!!

WHAT???!!!

After my 5 hr appointment at the TACTICS clinic, I am seriously considering writing a book called Cancer: the hamster wheel keeps on turning. No one ever tells you that the journey never ends. Cancer is embedded into the very pavement of the road of your life. After diagnosis, they mention risks but it takes a backstage to keeping you alive. Then you begin treatment, taking each day as it comes, but always with the hope of having one day of coming back to health. You finish treatment and wait for the sacred results that say cancer free. Life becomes rosy, and the little bumps in the road are just pebbles beneath your feet. Looking around, you realize you are at the summit of the cancer mountain and ahead lies a life free from nausea, wigs, pokes, and prods. As you descend into this new stage of life, doctors seem to appear on the road at every turn. It turns out that the very means they used to save your life are now on an increased hunt to take it away again. The chemotherapy I took can cause increased problems with my heart not functioning up to par, my lungs stiffening, and having only a 10% chance of future childbearing. The radiation I had leads to greatly increased risks of thyroid cancer and breast cancer and skin cancer. This is all compounded with the usual guilt-ridden lecture of exercise more and get more sleep...Umm Thanks for that I will try to pencil it in.

Rollin Rollin Rollin, the wheels keep on turning. So here is where I am at right now. I am attempting to soak up as much information as I can without making me crazy, and then together with my family try to create the best possible balance of screenings and follow-up with living in the moment of a joyous life. I will admit that I am prone to worry, and the thought that I might possibly get cancer again makes me want to curl up and sob. So, I am focusing on hope. God clearly saved me several times for some purpose that has yet to come. Also, I can rest in the omnipotence and omniscience of God knowing that He's got this and He will give me what I need when I need it. So no need to worry prematurely is what I will keep Rollin Rollin Rollin in my head. By the way, CANCER still SUCKS😁😁😁.

Medical Mania

 

IT"S FINALLY HERE!!! After six months of taking rat poison, I will take my last dose of Coumadin tonight. Tomorrow is a new chapter to find yet another new normal, and the bracelet will stay off. Even though this may seem like a small thing, it is actually huge. I am down to only one medication taken daily. Plus, I can finally eat all the salads I want without having to worry about my INR numbers. No more monthly visits to the amazing Coumadin clinic, and see people looking at me with their jaws hanging open thinking I am way to young to be in that office. It's a good day.

 

On another note, October has me getting an echo done and some special lab work to make sure my body has recovered from the circus it has been through. Then in November, I was accepted to be part of the Tactics Survivorship clinic to address my increased risk factors and how to proceed for follow-up from here on out.

 

 

God is still so good, and I pray my story will change the world even if it is for just one person. Thanks again to all my prayer warriors. I am blessed by all of you.

Happy 3rd BMT Birthday to Me!!!

I can hardly believe it has been only 3 years since one of the worst days of my life. It seems like eons ago even though the memories are still quite vivid. It feels good to say that I have finally made it back to some semblance of normalcy besides a few bumps in the road (i.e. pulmonary embolisms and Coumadin). One of the best things this past year has brought me is some slivers of the silver linings  that I have been praying for. Through my own struggles, I was able to bring some hope, encouragement, and love to others entering the world of cancer, and some people were brought back to a place of faith in the Ultimate Healer. Though I have been thankful for each new day I have been given, I feel as though I am finally in a place of no longer surviving but actually thriving.  It is amazing to me what the difference a year can make.
    As with any new year, there are new goals to set,resolutions to keep, and mantras to add. One thing that has really been heavy on my heart is first Chronicles 4:10 " Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request"  I feel like I have so much more to give, and I desire to have God expand my boundaries. I have an amazing testimony and a coffer full of grace, hope, and love that I would love to share with those in need. One of the first steps in enlarging my territory is becoming co-coordinator of my MOPS group for the upcoming year. I pray that I will be a blessing to all of those mommas no matter what form it may be, and I pray that there will be many more boundaries to expand.
    Secondly, Luke 6:31 is being added to my list of life's mantras. It says " Do to others as you would have them do to you." I know this is so cliché and it makes you feel like we are back in Sunday school, but there is so much truth in it. We all know that life is so short, so we only have a small window in time to change the world for the people around us. I know how much I value the admiration and the affirmation of my friends and family. I want to and need to be told sometimes that I make someone's day or that I am needed. I am blown away by the little gestures of a text, email or handwritten note encouraging me or covering me in prayer. If I cherish these moments so much, how can I not go and do the same for others? I want the people in my life to know that they are loved, and appreciated, and that my life is better with them in it. So If I get the thought to reach out to someone, I'm not going to put it off. I am going to send a random note of encouragement because we all need to be told that we have value and we are beautiful people.

So here's to celebrating another year covered in grace.

This is my fruit tart treat for my little birthday celebration.